One of my favorite writers of all time published an article before embarking on a month long career break. I loved a lot of the reflection questions she had to ask herself and although I am NOT going on a career break, I wanted to take a stab at answering some of them for myself.
1. How do you feel about work?
I mostly enjoy the work I get to do and my co-workers are actually people who I would hang around with outside of work.
However, I hate logging in 5 days a week with the expectation of being there 8.5 hours. I think if there was a more laxed schedule, I would be more at ease.
2. How do you feel about money?
I need more of it. Honestly, I feel so fucking behind.
My emergency fund needs more money.
My retirement accounts need more money.
3. What are your thoughts around financial independence?
I feel very fortunate to have discovered the FIRE movement. When I was younger I did not understand why people made such a deal about going to work. Five years into working in Corporate America and I more than understand.
My biggest FIRE GOAL for my life is to NOT be working full time in Corporate America in 2032. I am setting up avenues for myself now to make this goal a reality. Or maybe I will just rage quit at 40.
4. What’s the hardest thing about not being financially independent yet?
Working 5 days a week. Thinking constantly about the state of my finances. Wondering if this is indeed reality.
5. What do you enjoy about still being on your money journey?
I do not enjoy anything about still being on my money journey. I know this is somber especially with platitudes like “enjoy the journey”, but these are my true feelings.
Thinking about how much longer I have on this journey gives me a lot of angst. I deeply dislike it.
6. How do you feel about your finances?
Comparison really is the thief of joy. This is one saying that I have found to be true for my life. Personally, when I was younger I had an income number ($80k) I thought would bring me happiness and fulfilment. Then, after influences from others I had a second income number (Making over 6-figures) that I thought would bring me happiness.
It hasn’t. I now make more money than I ever thought I would and I actually have the potential to make more. This does not bring me the ease I thought it would.
I want more money.
My belief is that my next income jump will actually bring me the peace I am seeking. Of course, I could be completely bullshitting myself. Afterall, the other two income levels did not fully bring me what I thought it would. Don’t get me wrong. Both incomes have allowed me to take wonderful vacations, to give back to causes I care about, to nourish myself and to live with more ease.
Money has the potential to do that and I agree with they saying that money just allows you to be who you are.
An asshole with $30K is just a more financially equipped asshole when they have $70K.
7. How is your physical health?
Better. I have gotten back into OrangeTheory and I enjoy the feeling I get AFTER I complete a workout.
8. How is your mental health & spirit?
Recovering? I allow myself to become easily stressed out. Throughout the course of the last year I have learned more about something called a Thought Model. For me, it makes a lot of sense. My goal is to incorporate this into my life more so that I can be the version of myself who is more whole.
9. How do you feel about where you are in life?
Mixed.
I have “proved” myself by getting a lot of external validation. I have hit financial goals and other benchmarks set forth for me. However, I do not yet feel fully at peace.
I have an incredibly hard time not working. My mind is always thinking about all that needs to be done and all that I could be doing.
The only time I allow myself to take a break is when I am on vacation. Even on my days off, I fill my schedule with tasks – both self imposed and other commitments. I sometimes wonder if when I achieve FIRE, will I actually rest?
My wildest dream for myself is that I can have a more balanced outlook in life. I think the steps I am taking this year will help me get closer to that.
Even though money is primarily a source of discontent for me, I do find myself moving away from hustle culture. I also find myself journaling more and making myself a priority. The last two years have actually had me re-examine what is important and how I want my life to look like.
I am not there yet, but I feel closer.
10. What’s one thing you would change about your personality?
My discomfort with relaxation and my need to people please/craft an image of “perfection”.
11. What’s one aspect of your personality you would share with others?
My attention to detail.
12. How do you feel about your work persona?
My work persona is fine. Sometimes I feel like I could “play the game more”, but then I remember what is the point.
13. How do you feel about your authentic self?
She’s trying.
14. Are you happy?
Mostly.